Once again, I am so humbled by how many of you contacted me saying you loved my blogging & requested me to write more.
My stories are personal but many of you have expressed to me how much you appreciate that factor.
So... here ya go, I'm at it again.
A single girl's guide to being Perfectly Lonely.
I find this so silly.
The oh so popular saying, “forever alone.”
Many of my girl friends and myself including have struggled with this idea.
Making that comment is basically like saying, “I know when my time for love was and I missed it!”
Come on now, you can’t say that because well, you know nothing of this sort!
Just because you’re not currently engaged or have someone at your beckon call does it mean you are “forever alone.”
Do you know how wide the range of age is when people find “the one”?
I’ve heard all sorts of stories!
“I met my true love in the 7th grade, now we’re 70!”
“It took me three failed marriages to find the one I love and I wouldn’t have it any other way!”
“I’m 40 and am just now getting married to the love of my life.”
“I met my love back in high school then we lost contact but we found our way back to each other."
Those are just a few.
Love happens in mysterious ways but you have to be patient!
But if you’re anything like me, patience is a hard word to comprehend.
And if you're human like myself, then I can assume you crave companionship as well.
My conflict is quite hilarious. And by hilarious I actually mean the adjective of being extremely amusing because I was just laughing at myself about this the other day.
I tend to torment myself sometimes.
I sink into the mindset of, “Being single sucks, I want somebody now.”
I slip into the idea of, “I’ll never find someone.”
It's funny how I can think this way!
It’s like I treat myself around the imaginary idea of having miraculously traveled into the future & saw myself all alone at the age of 80.
I know some girls, like myself, struggle with this idea.
They think they're going to be single forever.
they stay in an unhappy relationship because they don't believe they can do any better.
Well just like my mother would say, "That's just a bunch of baloney!"
I’ve always been the girl in a relationship.
I dated my high school sweetheart all the way through my sophomore year of college.
Right after that I jumped right into another relationship that lasted about a year.
I’ve done long distance relationships for the last 4 years.
I was use to spending most of my time without my significant other.
So when my most recent relationship ended with a guy that lived over 1,600 miles away, I told myself no problem. Being single will be a breeze!
Unfortunately, I proved myself wrong.
I had a serious case of the “teddy bear” syndrome.
Teddy Bear Syndrome:
1. One who dates in fear of being alone.
2. Uses significant other as a security blanket.
The first time I was told I had the syndrome I was in denial. I don’t like to admit it and I didn’t for quite some time but sadly, it was true. I hated the idea of being alone.
I was insecure, lonely and had no idea what to do with my spare time.
For two long months after my latest break up I let myself get hurt over and over again trying desperately to make it work with someone that was not good for me nor was I any good for him.
I had to stop chasing this person to realize how wrong we were for each other.
During those two months I could have been well on my way back to happiness but I was stubborn & well, quite frankly, naive.
Sometimes the best lessons learned are learned the hard way.
But if you're reading this, learn from my mistake. Don't put yourself through this kind of pain.
After a lot of ice cream binging, nap taking and wasted tears I did some soul searching and I found someone actually kind of cool!
I started to get to know myself. (sounds corny, right?)
I got busy.
I started doing things I didn’t think I could do.
I took a full load of summer school.
I took care of myself and gained confidence.
I hit the gym & did lots of trail running.
I was free, my schedule did not revolve around someone else.
I stayed in on Friday nights and got lost in some really good books.
I got to do what I wanted and when I wanted to do it.
I didn’t have to turn down handsome guys with the, “I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend.”
I got more bonding time with my girl friends!
I got to become a better friend.
I got to hang with my guy friends without being questioned.
I jumped back into the dating scene, free dinners, free drinks!
I wasn't held back by anyone!
I wasn't hidden behind the arm of a man when meeting new people.
I got to firmly shake hands and confidently smile standing alone.
(this is how I got my latest job offer, confidence!)
I went out on the weekends and the night was mine!
I didn’t have to worry about letting a significant other down.
I become stress free and carefree.
I guess you could say I became pretty self-centered but hey, isn’t that what your twenties are for?
So why exactly does “single-hood” have such a bad wrap?
Never in my life have I grown more confident!
I think that’s my biggest take away.
I dealt with all my problems, worries, stresses & insecurities on my own.
I no longer depended but became independent.
I didn’t need a guy there to hold my hand, pet my hair and tell me I’m pretty.
That's what made me stronger!
Do you really want to be with the type of guy that’s attracted to insecure girls anyway?
That has trouble written all over it!
Are you the type of girl that finds yourself attracting selfish guys?
Well that problem starts with YOU. Raise. Your. Standards.
Personally, I want a guy that is intimidated by me but fuels off of it.
The type of guy that will let me drag him out on the dance floor and happily dance the night away with me.
By no means am I saying I am completely healed but that’s also why I am still single.
The last couple of guy’s I’ve been interested in I’ve kept at a distant & a couple of them have called me out on it. -Touché! Thank-you!
If a painful break up keeps me a little closed off, that doesn’t mean I am bitter, cooled hearted or entirely closed off to the idea of ever dating again!
It just means I’m a little extra precautious before I go giving my heart away again.
I'm at the point of my life where I'd rather "be safe than sorry" when it comes to dating.
Ever heard the song "Perfectly Lonely" by John Mayer?
ohh, I live by it.
"Had a little love, but I spread it thinFalling in her arms and out again
Made a bad name for my game around town
Tore up my heart, and shut it down
Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one but me
And that's all I need
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me
And this is not to sayThere never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong"
I believe I'll find someone someday!
He will fight for me.
He will want to show me off.
He will make other girls jealous of me, not me jealous of other girls.
He won't fill my head with insecurities.
He will hold me closer if I push him away.
He will be trustworthy and loyal.
He will fill me with security.
He will love me unconditionally.
He's out there!
I'm just not ready to meet him yet.
But it's my job to not waste mine or other guys time along the way!
Too many people settle now-a-days!
Being picky when it comes to dating is a good thing.
So if you are having trouble being single...
Stop focusing on it.
Seriously, get it completely off your mind!
Not as easy as it sounds, I know. You have to train your mind to be positive.
It's kind of like fooling yourself but being the psychology student that I am, I'm a firm believer that what you tell your mind... your mind will soon believe.
Negativity has a very strong effect on females.
Girls tell themselves, "I'm too fat, I'm not pretty, I'm not smart"
Then they start to believe these lies about themselves.
Find something positive about yourself and repeat it to yourself daily.
Don’t get jealous of the couple on the coffee date while you’re sitting there writing a term paper looking like a bag lady in yoga pants with no trace of make-up.
(oh you’re not, okay okay maybe that was just me... HA!)
But seriously be happy for other couples and know someday that will be you.
After all, you should fall in love with yourself before you dare fall in love with anyone else.
Have I made my point?
I am not asking you to all become narcissistic, falling in love with you reflection when you see it in water.
But do yourself a favor!
Start telling yourself you are a precious gift from God and you deserve the best because well you are and you do!
You're mind will start to believe it and it will become easier for you to tell the losers in your life "adios muchachos!"
And if you are a girl in a bad relationship... stop trying to make it work!
Seriously, knock it off.
I feel like people torture themselves now-a-days trying so hard to fight the truth & make it work with someone who is not the one for them.
It's like repeatedly trying to fit a square into a circle.
No matter how many times you try or how many different approaches you make..
It's never going to work.
Stop ignoring red flags or making excuses for the other persons behavior.
If they bring you heartache... that's enough of a reason to get the heck out!
Last but not least,
Start focusing on the type of person YOU want to be for someone ELSE someday!
"Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person."
- Gloria Steinem
Stop looking for a man and what you need from him.
Take responsibility for yourself and be the best that you can be!
Oh & do keep in mind..
Happy girls are the prettiest.
- -senior, communications & psychology student