What College Taught Me... Outside The Classroom

I am a very organized, scheduled, disciplined, to-do list kind of gal.

So, when it came to my senior year of high school I did what was up next on the list.

I applied to college.

Where do you even start when it comes to applying to college?

How do you know where you should go?

What’s a good fit for you?

What should you even study?

Should I start at a two year?

What’s an AA?

Who would be a good roommate?

Should I do intramural sports?

What clubs do I join?

What differentiates a BA from a BS?

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?!

But hey, no pressure.

You know the saying, “College isn’t for everyone.”

Yeah, I couldn’t agree more.

College isn’t for everyone and college most definitely was not for me!

I had ZERO scholarships offered to me!

Does that make me non-athletic or academically challenged?

Those were the questions that ran thru my head.

College isn’t for me because...

    A)   I am not smart enough.

    B)   I am not athletic enough.

    C)   And you know what, I just finished 12 years of school and the last thing I want to do is go sit in another classroom.

So... the question is why did I go to college?

Well, like I said before; I am disciplined.

I applied to Washington State University, Eastern Washington University, and Arizona State University.

I attempted to apply to Gonzaga but the application required a five-page paper on why you want to attend the school and all I could muster up was a good laugh.

“Forget that!”

Anyway, I got into all the schools I applied to.

(Which is nothing special because just about 90% of applicants get in.)

Then at random I just decided to go to ASU since it was the furthest away from the small town I was in a hurry to get out of.

So, now I am graduated and it seems as if college went by in a blink of an eye.

And you want to know what I didn’t learn within my 4 years of “higher education?”

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP!!!

So, did I just waste not only 4 years of my life but also a big pocket full of my parent’s money?

After some long, hard thinking... the answer to that is no.

I think college taught me a lot. But most of what I learned in college was outside of the classroom.

You want me to elaborate?

You got it, dude!

Here is what I learned in college, outside the classroom.

  1)   Everyone finishes college at his or her own pace.

     From pre-K to twelfth grade we are taught that each age group should be reading, writing,    

     calculating, talking, walking and maturing on the same time frame! We take tests and assessments

     constantly telling us where we fall on the scale. It is literally drilled into our brains that if someone   

     your age is a step ahead of you then you are behind.

     It took me till my senior year of college to realize graduation wasn’t a race.

     Put the clock down and the comparisons away and just learn for goodness sakes. We may have

     spent twelve years thinking we are either below or above average but like Dr. Suess said,

     “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”

22)   Don’t be so focused on the future that you are absent in the present.

      In college your whole mindset is on the future. I mean that is why you are there, correct? There are

      goals to be met, grades to be made and successes to be achieved.

      In college I was so worked up on making sure I made all the right choices and was on the right   

      path to my future that I was not living in the present.

            All thru middle school I wanted to be in high school.

            All thru high school I wanted to be in college.

            And all thru college I wanted to be in my career.

       I got to the point where I never felt like I had achieve anything because as soon as I made it to the 

       next step I was already focused on the next two steps.

       What a soul sucking way to live life, huh?

  3)   If someone doesn’t want to play with you, IT’S OKAY!

     In college it was a fantasy of mine to meet my long lost best friend or my soulmate.

            Four years later, neither one of those became a reality.

            My best friend is from my hometown & I am still single.

     I use to get my feelings hurt so easily when someone didn’t like me. But you know what that taught 

     me... Not everyone is going to love us and that’s how it’s supposed to be. If everyone loved me then

     I wouldn’t have any meaningful or deep friendships & relationships.

      Go find someone who does want to play with you and appreciates what you have to offer. 

     THOSE are the people who you should invest your time into.

  4)   Who cares what people think of you!

     Seriously... WHO CARES!!!

     In high school it was all about being accepted, cool and popular. You want to know what’s fun 

     about being popular?

     ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

     Because once you’re there, you’ll realize how empty & lonely it is on top.

     You have no real friends and it's boring up there.

      I use to really care what people thought about me.

      I always dressed accordingly, watched what I said, remained poise and never voiced my opinion if

      it meant arguing with the leader of the group.

           

      You know what’s fun, being the leader of your own group!

      I am the host of the Ashlee Show! (haha, sorry for the corniness)

      I finally let my true colors show. I stood up for myself and I voiced my opinion. I demanded to be  

      respected. When people have respect for you, you have respect for yourself. It is so vital to respect 

      yourself and feel confident in your skin. Self-actualization without it is impossible.

       I never tell people I changed, I tell people I ENHANCED myself. And that is the truth. I like who I

       am and I am finally at a point in my life where people’s opinion of me does not define my self     

       worth.

       Do you know how much fun it is to be the crazy one dancing and singing karaoke at the bar 

       compared to the one who just looks pretty sipping a Cosmo?

        Well, speaking from my own personal experience... belting out and interpretative dancing to 

        Shania Twain’s “Man. I Feel Like A Women” IS THE BEST FEELING EVER!

        So seriously, next time grab the microphone and be the star in your own show. Oh and also, have 

        the humility to laugh at yourself! I promise you, it will fill your soul with JOY.

        And lastly, there is nothing more intimidating and admirable than someone who is confident!

   5)   It takes failure to succeed!

        My first class in college was English 101 and you want to know what the first words out of my 

       professor’s mouth were?

       “According to everyone’s testing scores in this room you are all in dumb English so.... pay    

        attention.”

       I was hand selected to be put in “dumb” English because of how low my SAT score was. LOL!   

      That’s encouraging!!!

       But you know what I did?

       I spent countless hours in my professor’s office after class and the writing help center with tutors 

      working on my writing skills and grammar.

      I got an A in the class; upgraded to “smart people” English 102 and now I write blog entries as a   

      hobby.

      (And no my blogs are not perfectly written but they are a hell of a lot better than they would be if 

       my teacher hadn’t told me I was dumb.)

           

       I have been rejected for multiple jobs, failed tests, and dropped out of classes. There are a lot of    

       things I really suck at! But at the end of the day I do not let these things define me. 

       I let them motivate me!

       And you know what? There are actually a couple things I am really great at.

  6)   Home will always be where the heart is.

           

      No matter how much I resented my little hometown growing up, out of all the places I have traveled

      to since moving out, it is always my favorite place to visit.

      As you age there is no better feeling than being home. Driving past my old high school, a quick  

     glance at my ex boyfriends house, the baseball field I slept on over night with my girlfriends, the    

     ballroom that held my senior prom, the Red Robin where I spent my 10^th birthday, the canal I lost

     my first dog in, and the rink I spent countless hours in. These are all the memories that gave me the 

     best childhood ever and never again will I take my hometown for granted.

  7)   College isn’t the only time to find your soul mate.

      I am twenty-three and I have friends that are married, with kids, or still dating their high school 

      sweetheart.

      I sit at airports, coffee shops and parks admiring the grins on couples that cross my path.

      There are days I really question my self worth because I am still single.

      Days like those are no fun.

       But I think I had an “ah-ha” moment my senior year of college.

           

       “Singlehood” is literally your only time in life that it is acceptable to be selfish.

       I have embraced my selfish years. I know I want kids and a husband someday. But as for right 

       now, the only person I really have to take care of is myself. Everyday goes according to my plans.

       If I want to sleep in till noon on a Saturday I can do so in complete silence without anyone judging

       my lack of productivity. I go out or stay in on Friday nights due to my mood. I let my dirty dishes 

       pile up with no one complaining. And in my opinion, everything I do is right! HA!

       Of course there is occasional loneliness when you are single. We are humans.

       But I hear mothers and wives joke in conversation about how they’d do anything to get a moment 

       of their life back. Or how they wish they would have finished college or took that promotion

      when they had the opportunity.

       Being in that moment of life right now, I am going to   Live.   It.    Up.

       I do not want to look back and have regrets. I want to be able to tell my kids someday that I 

       worked my booty off in my twenties. I achieved a successful career and education before I became

      their mommy.

  8)   Everyone has his or her own idea of the American Dream.

       My last take away would be don’t go after a career just for the income .The goal in life should 

       never be wealth. Because...

            A) Money does not buy you love, happiness, and fulfillment.

            AND

            B) Everyone has their own idea of the American Dream so go after yours.

xo, ashlee

My Story, My Testimony

I am going to start off with how I lived my life before I decided I wanted to follow Christ.

I say, "wanted to follow Christ" instead of "found Christ" because truth is I found Christ many, many years ago and was never interested! 

I grew up in a Christian home my whole life!

Both my parents, for as long as I can remember, have been incredibly faithful to The Lord. 

For the most part, I was uninterested.

Sunday mornings at Church was 60 mins of sleeping and watching the clock. 

God/Jesus/Christ/Religion (whatever you want to call it) just sounded like a bunch of rules to me.

I hate rules!

I looked at my parents as strict, unfair, and over protective.

I wanted to be a wild child and sought every opportunity of freedom.

I'm not sure what's in me that drives such rebellion.

I have always been a pretty outgoing person and always just wanting to have fun.
I snuck around behind my parents backs, I always lied about where I was and who I was with.
I had no shame. I got away with everything. Life was good.

Party after party, I had come across a new group of friends.

I met this guy I was beyond infatuated with.

Being young and dumb "in love" I'd do anything to get this guy to like me.

So at 16, I experienced my first night gone wrong.

This is a picture from that night.

Don't we look cute?

Living it up that night, I desperately wanted to fit in with his friends. 

Long story short, I had drank beyond my limit.

I don't remember much from that night, just what I've been told.

But here's what happen.

I was so intoxicated we believe that I might have had alcohol poisoning.
I bet his friends were thinking I was pretty cool, huh?

While this guy tried to take care of me and make sure I remained conscious, my phone was all of a sudden being blown up by my dad.

My dad had somehow found out I was not where I said I was.

He had tracked me down by the GPS on my phone.

He finally found me & had to witness is baby girl in a pretty heart breaking physical state.
No parent wants to see that.

Apparently, I was so far gone and unresponsive, my dad went around threatening everyone demanding answers as to "who drugged ashlee?"
Then he proceeded to call the cops.

However, dad decided getting me home first was more important.

From that point, my dad drove me home.

We had to stop several times along the side of the road so I could vomit.

I also threw up all over the center console of my dad's brand new Mercedes Benz. Oops.

My dad carried me into the house and when the door opened... this part, for some reason unknown, I remember vividly. 

My "just around 8 months pregnant" mother was hysterical in tears.

I am not sure why I remember this part so clearly.

Looking back at it now, I believe maybe God wanted me to see the pain I had put my mother in.
Well I did... and it hurt. 

The next morning, my parents came down on me pretty hard, as expected and I was announced dead.

Just kidding, I was grounded but at that time I felt like I might as well had been. 

It's funny looking back at moments in your life when you thought for sure your world had come to an end.

My grounding that summer was having to serve at a Church Camp for a week. 

Seriously?! I would have rather pulled weeds all summer or collect garbage on the side of the highway.

The camp was outside Spokane, WA.
It was a long, silent, and incredibly uncomfortable 4 hour drive with my dad.

As soon as we pulled up, I noticed I had absolutely no cell phone reception! 

"Ugh. This is torture." (typical spoiled, self absorbed Ashlee thoughts)

My dad told me to hop out, I sighed, rolled my eyes then watched him drive away. 

Honestly, at camp I was touched. A little. 

I heard some preachers preach. 

Some life changing stories were told.

I pretended to read my bible during quite time.

I "did my time" at church camp.

When it was time to head home, I was more than ready.

Looking back, I think God tried talking to me for the first time during that week but I ignored him.
I did not need him yet.

Came back home. Went straight back to my "friends" and boyfriend.

Playtime was back on. 

Now, remember earlier when I told you I hated rules!

Well, are speed limits rules? Ha!

Apparently they are, so I broke those as well.

Except, this time I was not punished by my parents.

I was punished by the law.

I got 5 speeding tickets in a very short amount of time and my drivers license was revoked.

My parents sold my car to my cousin. (You're welcome, Steph)

I lived way out in the country side of town and was the only one out of all my friends with a license so this left me stuck at home or depending on my parents for a ride ALL THE TIME.

At 17, spending all your time with your parents is cruel & unusual punishment. 

Now, looking back at that period in my life I felt like getting my license revoked was the only way God could keep me out of trouble. 

Having aged and gained wisdom over time, Now when I look back at what I thought were unreasonable punishments I can see them as God actually protecting my well being. 

Which brings me to this beautiful verse.

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." - Hebrew 12:11 (ESV) 

So, I shaped up a little bit during this time due to over exposure of parental "bonding."

At 18, I got my license back, a new car, and I was off to Arizona State University to start college!!!

Awe, would you look at that? Your typical ASU girl!!!

Bleached blonde hair, orange skin, and a ridiculously degrading outfit! 

In that picture of me, I am everything I mock today. I was a follower. 

I let ASU tell me who I was going to be. 

Now there was fun to be had!!! (again) 

I was having a blast with all my new "friends!"

(I keep putting friends in quotations because none of these people were actually real friends to me.)

Everything was great.

However, at this party (pictured above) I came across this girl (pictured below.) 

Luckily, she covered her own face (I think out of shame) so I could share this photo.

I finally gave into "breaking the seal" and slipped away to use the little girl's room.

I found this girl sitting on the bathroom floor by the toilet.

She was what you would call a " hot mess!" 

At first,  it was funny to me, I didn't care who this girl was. She did this to herself!!!

Thought to self: "Wow, really Ashlee?! This was you not too long ago, give the girl a break and help a gal out!"

So I did, I tried helping her. I tried finding her friends or someone she knew.

There was no one, no one knew who she was & no one cared to be honest.

On top of that I found out her friends totally ditched her.

I've come to terms that most parties are just a gathering of selfish people.

She was giving me attitude and told me to leave her alone.

So, I did! 

Thought to self: "Fine. Peace out chick, you ain't my problem!" 

Looking back at that girl, she might as well had been me... She had no real friends and no one cared about her. 

Looking back at that moment today, it breaks my heart. 

I don't know what happened to that girl, hopefully nothing as awful that could have happened in her unconsciousness.

But how sad/scary it must have been for her to wake up that next morning not knowing where she was, what happened the night before, or where her friends were.

By the grace of God, when that happened to me, my dad came to the rescue, swooped me up and return me home safely.

Once again, God protecting me when I thought I was being punished.

Even though I had a moment there in the bathroom, still no lessons were really learned

I still did not need God.

So I kept on, keepin' on! 

It was now GREEK WEEK at ASU!!!

If you look closely in the background there are 3 levels of people, body to body.

The whole apartment complex was that full!

It was a square complex with a pool in the middle.

I remember people were jumping off the railings into the pool.

The place was out of control, I've never seen anything like it.

I was thrilled! 

(That is Karli by the way, she's one of the sweetest, most thoughtful persons I can still call my friend today; I adore her!)

Karli and I had a few alcohol samplings. (That sounds classier, right?)

Once the party started to get a bit out of control (like all ASU parties do) we decided to head out.

Right when I walked outside the building I had a man come up to me and say, "What's in the bottle, Miss?"

With a "do not talk to me, you creep" glare, I responded to him with attitude, "none of your business"

The man said, "Actually it is, I am an undercover cop!"

Can you imagine my dumbfound face?! 

Probably super cute, right?

"Um, come again??" 

Yup, sure enough, he showed me his pretty gold badge, grabbed my arm violently and brought me to the "Drunk Truck."

(ASU has these things called drunk trucks where they just toss all the drunks into one truck because a single police car is never enough to collect people. They're really fun to watch when you're not the one being thrown in.)

So, proud daughter moment for my parents...

I called home after my first month at college to announce I have been awarded with my first "MIC" (minor in consumption.)

Remember, I was only 18 and I had "sampled" some alcohol that night!

My court date finally rolled around.

I showed up, prim & proper with my best "I'm a good girl" outfit on. 

Court took forever! I checked in and had to sit and wait for them to call on me.

A couple hours went by and finally the office lady told me she could not find my report. 

I rolled my eyes thinking how unprofessional, let me back there, I could do your job better.

(typical bratty, self righteous Ashlee thoughts)

Finally she came back and said my charges had been dropped. 

Wait, what?

The officer that reported me for some reason unknown decided to drop my charges.

My friend however received a $600 fine.

But I was set free. Nothing on my record and no money out of my pockets.

At the time, I looked at it with the mindset, "I have great luck, Go me!"

Now, I look back and see it as God trying to reach out to me. (once again... denied!)

Still did not feel like I needed God.

Up until my sophomore year at ASU by God's sweet grace, life had been pretty good to me.

It wasn't until I got my "dream job" at Nordstrom, had my "dream condo" in Tempe, and was in the second year at my "dream college" that I found myself incredibly low and dissatisfied with my life. 

Sounds weird, right?

Hear me out. 

From the outside looking in I was the girl that had it all!

I was always incredibly fashionable due to my employment by Nordstrom, I made a great amount of money for my age working a "high end" job at Scottsdale Fashion Square, I could afford just about anything my heart desired! I had a nice car, a two-story condo, access to my parents second home in Scottsdale and the keys to my dad's sports car, a brand spankin' new Mercedes Benz AMG that I occasionally took for a spin on the 202! When I wasn't working or in class, I was basking in the sun at the private pool in my parents gated community. 

I was only 20 years young, living large. 

Ever heard the saying, "Money can't buy you happiness."

I always joked and responded, "You must be shopping at the wrong places!"

But it's true.

I  had everything but was left depressed, lonely, and miserable!

I am even getting choked up right now having to look back at this period in my life.

I know what you all are probably thinking, "oh poor thing, she had it all, must be rough."

I couldn't party anymore working a full time job at Nordstom while being a full time business student.

And quite honestly I wasn't even interested in the party life anymore. I was burnt out. 

All my "friends" my freshman year of college faded away. 

I was so miserable, I turned mean.

I started to take it out on my sweetheart of a roommate.

I had no friends, no family, and the one person I did have in AZ, my roommate, I had completely pushed away.

By avoiding her I started staying at my parents house in Scottsdale. This house was closer to my work so I started skipping classes as well (mainly because I hated business school) and completely isolated myself. 

Y'all know how much of an extrovert I am? 

Being alone all the time drove me absolutely mad!

My only friend was the clerk at Albertson's who sold me a frozen canadian bacon pizza & chocolate chip cookie dough every night after work. (oh ya, I also became quite the heavy hippo!)

I'd call home every day, I was constantly asking friends, family, and my long distance boyfriend to Skype me.

I went to school and work then always came back to an empty house. 

I told my parents I hated my life. 

My poor parents had given me everything my selfish heart desired!

How could I possibly be this miserable? 

One weekend my mom had come down to visit me.

I remember one night I could hear her out in the living room watching TV.

I was secluding myself, once again.

(the enemy loves to get you all to himself...)

I was taking a bath.

I sat there and held my head under water over and over again.

I was testing how long I could hold my breath.

I counted one mississippi, two mississippi, three...

I was teasing some very dark thoughts I had been struggling with.

I finally came out of the water, gasping for air.

I wrapped a towel around me and I ran to my mom.

Wet, cold, & bare I will never forget what I said to her next...

"I do not want to live."

Tears rolled down my face and my knees fell to the ground.

"I am miserable and I don't have a future."

(I honestly believed God had no plans for me.)

My mom sat there and cried with me.

My parents encouraged me to finish the school year then I could move back home.

So the end of the year came, I dropped out of W.P. Carey Business School and moved back in with my parents.

It was summer, I just turned 21 & living back at home with my parents.

All my plans had failed. 

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing with my life. 

I had reached my lowest low but there was this little fight left in me that was determined not to give up.

Over thinking and over analyzing everything, like always, I started doing some serious soul searching. 

My heart changed, I wanted to find meaning in my life, not just the next party...

What did I want in life?

I had my "dream life" and it didn't bring me happiness!

If what I thought would make me happy.... didn't, then what could?

I gave up, threw up the white flag and for the first time in my life ever... I. Went. To. God.

If I couldn't answer my questions then maybe, just maybe, he could. 

"How do you know God's Will for your life? You listen for the Holy Spirit and let God guide you."

I started praying. I didn't really know how to pray; I learned later on there's no right or wrong way.

I basically just started spilling my heart out to God.

I told him what I wanted. I told him what was hurting me.

I told him my regrets and I shared with him my hopes.

I wanted him to give me something I was passionate about.

I wanted meaning; I wanted direction. 

I was still contemplating the meaning of life so after lots of praying, for some reason it was brought to my attention that I needed to do something selfLESS for the first time in my life.

Guess what?

I finally listened.

I looked into opportunities at my church (more my parents church, let's be honest) and I decided I was either going to "go big or go home."

I packed up my bags and flew out to Port Ah Prince, Haiti on a mission trip.

During my two weeks there, something in me that had been asleep my whole life... awakened. 

(you can read about my Haiti experience in my blog post called, Healing Hearts In Haiti)

Long story short, I think I found my purpose in life down in the beautiful mess of that third world country.

I came back from my trip full of life! 

I saw things differently.

First thing I did when I got home was look into my pantry & thanked God for food.

I told my parents I think I found my purpose in life. 

I wanted to help people.

I transfered to EWU (closer to home) changed my major to Communication Studies and my minor to Psychology. 

I decided if I wanted to help people I needed to learn how to understand them.

God answered my prayers, he helped me find something I was passionate about and he brought meaning to my life. 

I started trying to live my life more for Christ and less for me. 

In an incredible sermon I once listened to I learned about "God's Plan over Man's Plan"

See, God created us. He knows our hearts desires before the moment we took our first breath.

God knows the ending from the beginning. 

But so many of us choose "our plan" over "God's plan" and we are left unfulfilled.

My experience in Arizona is a prime example.

I was living my plan and was miserable.

Once I started to follow God's plan for me, I found peace & joy.

I wish there was some way I could prove to people that God is real.

I wish I could give free tours of the inside of my heart and let people experience the peace God has filled within me.

Unfortunately I can't, all I can give you are these honest, heartfelt words. God is real.

If that were possible I believe that people would be more open to fellowship because everyone wants PROOF.

Truth is, the proof can't be handed over to you. You have to find it yourself.

And trust me, when you find it yourself, it is A LOT more meaningful.

Our God is a man of free will, he's actually quite the opposite of being just a bunch of rules.

He gives us the option to seek his blessings or not to. 

Now, listen here!

I am not perfect.

I know sometimes I come across "unChrist-like" to people.

I am not the strongest Christian.

I still dabble or get sucked into things I shouldn't.

I am still a social butterfly.

I like to go out and have fun with my friends. (I have real friends now, btw.)

Sometimes, my thrill seeking leads me to places I shouldn't be.

I don't want you to read my testimony & think I claim to be perfect and have found all the answers.

No. I still battle with Christ.

It's just like any other relationship. sometimes ya disagree with the other person!

I still don't understand some of his doings in my life.

I get mad and question him.

I feel broken and pain.

I walk away from him sometimes.

I am still "trial and error"ing my relationship with him.

But let me share a secret with you.

Overall, I am the happiest I have ever been with Christ by my side.

When I feel pain, I take it to him, I ask him what he wants me to learn from it.

Sometimes his answers come to me quickly and some still don't have answers.

Sometimes they're answers I like and sometimes they are answers I don't like.

But he's there, and he cares.

He forgives me and he loves me.

And I will continue to live my life for Christ because without him...

I am meaningless. 

September 29, 2013

I dedicated my life to Christ.

I am far from the person I use to be. Today, for the most part I want as little as possible. With my roommates I always ask for the smallest room. I am not so obsessed with my outer appearance anymore, I hardly ever dress fashionable like I use to. A good pair of jeans and a soft tee is what you can usually find me in. I stay far away from house parties. I can't even remember the last one I went to. I am not nearly as selfish as I was back then. I have such a passionate heart for others. I put my friends, family, and sometimes even strangers needs above mine, for the most part. I am still working on myself, I always am.

This is my testimony.

xx, ashlee

You Can't Make Everyone Happy!

For me, the struggle is real constantly trying to be a "people pleaser."

It's no secret that human relations can be complicated & stressful. 

All I want is for people to be happy with me. 
I believe most people can relate, I mean it's human nature. 

I tend to put myself into some seriously emotionally down moods desperately trying to make everyone else around me happy.  

It shows up in the most ridiculous ways really, leaving myself feeling fearful & insecure:

• I wonder if my "ghost" followers on social media only follow me so they can talk behind my back and/or make fun of my posts?
• How do I make myself an "easy to live with" roommate while also having my needs and wants met?
• How do I maintain a friendship with a male I care about but desires to be more than friends when my feelings are not mutual?
• How can I be nice and respectful without being walked all over?
• How do I run a fitness group online without there being drama and accommodating everyones wants?
• How can I maintain a social life without looking like the girl who doesn't want to grow up?
• How can I maintain a friendship without avoiding confrontation on an issue I have?
• Do I post too many "selfies?" Do I come across conceded? 
• How can you voice your opinion without offending the other?
• When I haven’t heard back from someone, wondering if I’ve done something to anger or offend, then over-analyzing until I do get some sort of sign that they don’t hate me?
• Wondering, after some social interactions, if I’ve “met expectations” or not — and have been cheerful/happy/engaged enough, or if I’ve disappointed the other person.
• Worrying that if I don’t say yes to all plans/requests or have a “good reason” for saying no, that I will massively offend the person asking.

(obviously these don't apply to everyone but hopefully some of you can relate!)

Everyone that knows me well knows that I am incredibly hard on myself.
I generally am way more lenient and understanding with others than I am with myself.


When is enough, enough?!

When you're sitting in your room depressed or have finally reached an emotional break down with tears rolling down our face?

(or was that just me?) 

I guess this is where I throw up the white flag! 


"You can either go (emotionally) broke running around trying to please everyone, or you can spend your time creating, living and being AUTHENTIC to your own needs and desires."  - Jenny Blake (Life After College) 

"People will always have an opinion on what you do. It’s up to you to assess the source of the opinion, and choose whether or not you should ignore it." - Derek Halpern (financial blogger)

WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!

If you want to take the quick route to unhappiness, go right ahead and attempt making everyone else happy all the time.

Not only will you feel emotionally and maybe even physically exhausted but you will also find yourself unfulfilled.

You have two choices: you can spend your time worrying about other people, or you can bravely follow your own wants and needs.

Having a backbone comes with its rewards!

IT PAYS OFF to stick up for yourself, to say the hard truth, and to make the hard choices about where to spend your time and attention.
By this you reward yourself with sanity, ease, lightness, sense of self, confidence, clarity, self worth and awareness. 

Trust me when I say, you are no good to anyone when you run yourself ragged trying to please everyone else.

If I have taken away anything truly from all my studying of psychology in college it is that I can easily be judgmental towards others because I am easily judgmental of myself. By releasing the pressure I put on myself I tend to take it out on others. 

This is my biggest fault. Now being aware of this, I can give myself more grace, helping me be more graceful with others as well.

Here, try this:

Make a short mental list (or write it down, whatever works best for you) of all the people that would help you bury a dead body!

Okay, too graphic? 

How about someone who is a constant in your life, has proven they sincerely care about you and would even possibly take a bullet for you?

This list should be made of people that pop into your mind instantly without a doubt and you shouldn't have to think twice about them.

Got it? I made mine in about 3 minutes. 

These are the only people you should stress about making happy because these are probably the same people that stress about making YOU happy! 

Now release yourself from the fear of rejection and the fear of disappointing!

What's that one saying...

Oh Yeah!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Bernard M. Baruch

xx, ashlee