It's no secret that human relations can be complicated & stressful.
All I want is for people to be happy with me.
I believe most people can relate, I mean it's human nature.
I tend to put myself into some seriously emotionally down moods desperately trying to make everyone else around me happy.
It shows up in the most ridiculous ways really, leaving myself feeling fearful & insecure:
- I wonder if my "ghost" followers on social media only follow me so they can talk behind my back and/or make fun of my posts?
- How do I make myself an "easy to live with" roommate while also having my needs and wants met?
- How do I maintain a friendship with a male I care about but desires to be more than friends when my feelings are not mutual?
- How can I be nice and respectful without being walked all over?
- How do I run a fitness group online without there being drama and accommodating everyones wants?
- How can I maintain a social life without looking like the girl who doesn't want to grow up?
- How can I maintain a friendship without avoiding confrontation on an issue I have?
- Do I post too many "selfies?" Do I come across conceded?
- How can you voice your opinion without offending the other?
- When I haven’t heard back from someone, wondering if I’ve done something to anger or offend, then over-analyzing until I do get some sort of sign that they don’t hate me?
- Wondering, after some social interactions, if I’ve “met expectations” or not — and have been cheerful/happy/engaged enough, or if I’ve disappointed the other person.
- Worrying that if I don’t say yes to all plans/requests or have a “good reason” for saying no, that I will massively offend the person asking.
Everyone that knows me well knows that I am incredibly hard on myself.
I generally am way more lenient and understanding with others than I am with myself.
When is enough, enough?!
When you're sitting in your room depressed or have finally reached an emotional break down with tears rolling down our face?
(or was that just me?)
I guess this is where I throw up the white flag!
"You can either go (emotionally) broke running around trying to please everyone, or you can spend your time creating, living and being AUTHENTIC to your own needs and desires." - Jenny Blake (Life After College)
"People will always have an opinion on what you do. It’s up to you to assess the source of the opinion, and choose whether or not you should ignore it." - Derek Halpern (financial blogger)
WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
If you want to take the quick route to unhappiness, go right ahead and attempt making everyone else happy all the time.
Not only will you feel emotionally and maybe even physically exhausted but you will also find yourself unfulfilled.
You have two choices: you can spend your time worrying about other people, or you can bravely follow your own wants and needs.
Having a backbone comes with its rewards!
IT PAYS OFF to stick up for yourself, to say the hard truth, and to make the hard choices about where to spend your time and attention.By this you reward yourself with sanity, ease, lightness, sense of self, confidence, clarity, self worth and awareness.
Trust me when I say, you are no good to anyone when you run yourself ragged trying to please everyone else.
If I have taken away anything truly from all my studying of psychology in college it is that I can easily be judgmental towards others because I am easily judgmental of myself. By releasing the pressure I put on myself I tend to take it out on others.
This is my biggest fault. Now being aware of this, I can give myself more grace, helping me be more graceful with others as well.
Here, try this:
Make a short mental list (or write it down, whatever works best for you) of all the people that would help you bury a dead body!
Okay, too graphic?
How about someone who is a constant in your life, has proven they sincerely care about you and would even possibly take a bullet for you?
This list should be made of people that pop into your mind instantly without a doubt and you shouldn't have to think twice about them.
Got it? I made mine in about 3 minutes.
These are the only people you should stress about making happy because these are probably the same people that stress about making YOU happy!
Now release yourself from the fear of rejection and the fear of disappointing!
What's that one saying...
Oh Yeah!
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Bernard M. Baruch
xx, ashlee
This is so awesome Ashlee! I've always put people first, but now I'm trying to do what's right for me. But I can never shut down the altruistic person that I am. So I searching for a balance, because there's happiness on both sides for me.
ReplyDeleteThe other wonderful thing about you is self examining your ways, most people don't know how to do that, they just act and react.
Btw, you don't post to many selfie, it's only natural that a girl wants to be complimented once and while, even a "like" (which is easy for you to get), you are not looking for the wrong attention like most girls, most of the time what they say and we see are contradicting. As it is for you, in this blog, you are trying to grab our attention with your beautiful mind. Keep being transformed in Him :)
I can very much say that I probably put other peoples happiness before my own. And yes that does mean that I take a back seat to my own needs and wants and stuff, but helping others also makes me feel better about myself too. Just knowing that what I may have done or said made them feel even a little bit better about something makes me feel exactly how they feel on what comes next. I can't help everyone happy, but I can help a few people who hopefully go on to help others too.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to thank you, because this helps us, especially me to find happiness within. Thank you Ashlee!
ReplyDelete